Wednesday, 28 January 2009

Live from (not) Lenden.

Mother and Sister now accompanying me, visiting places and reminiscing. :D
Nana strictly on rest etc.


" I mean from henceforth to lead a life of extreme seclusion; you must not be suprised, nor must you doubt my friendship, if my door is often shut even to you. You must suffer me to go my own dark way. I have brought on myself a punishment and a danger that I cannot name. If I am the chief of sinners, I am the chief of sufferers also. I could not think that this earth contained a place for sufferings and terrors so unmanning; and you can do but one thing to lighten this destiny, and that is to respect my silence."
-Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde: Robert Louis Stevenson

Its 11pm, and I am unbelievably tired. In Baghdad, I would stay awake until 4am, and happily wake up the next day alive. Now, I feel sleepy and 'emotionally drained'. Perhaps its the cold, and the fact I haven't seen the sky for over 4 days. I have for some reason, found some old books stored in the zips of the luggage. I read this around four years ago, and I find one page folded. I honestly don't even remember reading this book. I open it, and I can almost dictate the following paragraph. I didn't even remember this story well, and i never found it even in the slightest memorable. Until I finally understood the meaning of the lines above today. It crashed on me with waves of emotion. Naturally I supressed said emotions, and hit the keyboard.

What's weirder, is despite the straight concrete pavements, and tarmaced roads, I seem to trip and be clumsy here, a lot more than in Iraq, where you cannot tell the difference between road, the pavement and a patch of mud most times.

I have no idea what to write or what to say. Everything seems so surreal, and one matter keeps replaying in my mind unnecessarily, even though the sane thing would be to just wake up from the dream like state that I have put myself in.

I feel there's no guarentee to anything in life. I just need to enjoy it and smile, whilst maintaining what is most important in life. Unfortunatley for me though, I still have to work out what is most important to me in Life. My sister's voice echoes in the background as she talks of something. I realise I should stop thinking for once, and just go with the flow of things.

So, overall, I have realised, I have allowed something to be on my mind and affect me much more than it should, I need to "take it eazi, ya azizi" as my father often tells me, and most importantly, I have decided, I shall be happy wherever the journey of Life takes me.

AL HAYAAT HILWAAA (da da daaa)
(life is sweet, da da daaa).


JG said...

Good good. Glad to hear it!

C.H. said...

Congragulations, I am very happy for all of you. Its good to have your family there to keep you company :D

Hopefully you'll get to see London!

khalid jarrar said...


moonlight said...

"take it eazi, ya azizi" :D I love it. Glad to hear you're happy and I hope your enjoying the trip.

attawie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
attawie said...

The quoted lines freaked me out! but reading:

"...and you can do but one thing to lighten this destiny, and that is to respect my silence."

I'm sure now it must be a suffering guy :| Never read this novel.

To keep thinking and being in a state of replaying certain moments or ideas, as if time was frozen and you keep thinking of the same matter even if you don't want to.. is somehow normal.

My friend and I tried to find the button to switch off thinking but all in vain. So I guess you've came to a better solution :)

Good to know you're having company.

Miss Violet said...

Glad to hear your family is with you Touta:). الله يحفظلج ياهم

Touta said...

thanks. :)

thanks, yup i hope too.

itguul sheno?!

i don't think i'm ever going to forget that phrase. hhhhhh. :D

i loved the lines, somehow i knew exactly what was meant. :D Replaying ideas over and over in your head is normal, but frustrating, so yea, Jekyyl and Hyde found the perfect solution for me. hhhh. :)

shukran, wa allah yeekhalee intee ila a3alitich. :)

Lynnette In Minnesota said...

I'm glad to hear that you have some company. It will make your stay more enjoyable. :)

I've never actualy read "Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde". I've seen different movie versions though. It was a good story. Sometimes I feel there is a little Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde in all of us. :P

Take care.

Oh, and tell your brother that there are many fish in the sea. ;)

Touta said...

its a really good book. :) I agree, we all have a bit of jekyyl and hyde in us.
No sea in Iraq. :(. I'll guess he'll have to stick for whatever is in the river. :D lol.

Lynnette In Minnesota said...


I'll guess he'll have to stick for whatever is in the river. :D

That will do. :P

C.H. said...


When you have the chance, update us about the University :D

I am curious to know what you thought about it.

programmer craig said...

Touta, maybe you are experiencing a mild form of culture shock? That is sometimes the case, when the normal starts seeming a bit unreal. I came down with a bad case of that, the first time I returned to the US after being overseas for a long time.

Anyway, hope you are having a great trip! London is a really cool city... I wish we could move it to California! We could send the British San Francisco in exchange.

commoncents said...

Great post!

Would you like a Link Exchange with our new blog COMMON CENTS where we blog about the issues of the day??

C.H. said...


I know you are in the UK, but today was a great day for the people of Iraq...everything went very well with the voting. I spoke to some friends today who voted for the first time, and it must have been such a proud moment for them!

Hopefully the UK media has something to say about this :)

Touta said...

will try about universities. Today has been a great day though. :D

p. craig,
culture shock-probably, although i have lived in the UK for quite some while, but i have somehow got used to iraqiness so much, that it still is quite weird to see some things here..*tries to stop staring*
And move the british to san francisco? hhhhhhhhh. I don't think they would cope with the heat. Its like -2degreees centigrade here, and they walk around in vests..vests! lol

thanks, feel free to add anything, and equally scrutinise my blogging. :):)
so far i'm still in iraq, so i probably wont have any exciting expereinces to post about, but feel free to see the other iraqi bloggers under the heading 'inspired' (on the right) :) ----------->

C.H. said...

Touta, I was in San Francisco the other day and it was cold, lol!

Our weather patterns by the bay are actually similar to London...lots of heavy fog in the morning, and many cloudy cool days with rain, haha. You probably understand what I'm talking about.

However, once you get out to the East Bay, its really hot in the Summer. California has an interesting climate :D

My father has a friend from the UK who lives near San Francisco and he says the weather reminds him of home...maybe the British would do okay out here ;)

dave said...

hey touta, are you in London at the moment? the snow is supposed to be 6" tonight, apparently the heaviest in 6 years. I went to the cinema and just got out 15 min ago and it was everywhere, shame I didn't see a Christmas film but it was still pretty. Not looking forward to train journey to Birmingham tomorrow tho.

Touta said...

near bham and london lol.
It is freezing!! but i have to admit, i smiled so widely when i saw a few snowflakes fall, they were very beautiful, its things like these that make me love every country i visit.
On the bad side, i am going to be sliding around tommorrow rather than walking. Oh, and the bham interviwers are very scary!

JG said...

I is freezing here too! Snow on the way in the next few days.

The sight of snowflakes is beautiful but the sliding around part is not so much fun...

C.H. said...

When do you come home, Touta? I can imagine school must be starting up again soon, lol :)

Snow is great...when I lived on the East Coast, we would get snow all the time. I talked to my grandparents in Massachusetts yesterday and they are having the most snow in years...along with sheets of thick ice!

dave said...

I loved the snow up until this morning when all the buses are cancelled, all the trains are cancelled and yet the train from marylebone to moor street are running but I can't get to them, argh! I have a presentation to give tomorrow, looks like that's off. If football is cancelled tomorrow my misery will be compounded.

lol, i'm sure the bham interviewers are nice underneath the scary veneer :P.

Touta said...

snow should have reached you by now. :D
Sliding yourself is not as much fun..but watching other people such as myself repeatedly fall over and over again..i mean where isn't the fun in that. lol

concerning school, i'm still unsure about that issue. Sheets of ice? I wouldn't survive there. :)

hahaha, strange trains lol. Well, you have more time to practice your presentation i suppose. And try playing football in the snow, even if football is cancelled. You'd be suprised at the difficulty. :D