Its cold. I have stopped feeling my toes, and I'm too lazy to go out of the room to get food. I'm suprised as to who packed unnumbered kilograms of food in my luggage, but I know who's idea it was.
I've officially spent an entire day in the UK now, and its been mostly lying under duvets. I don't really see the point of unpacking, so I've simply opened up the luggage bag.
Yesterday i watched a film called 'Sin City' on the tv. One sentence by the 'Marv' guy sticks needlessly in my mind, and i realise its 3.45am and i'm still awake.
"Hell's waking up every goddamn day and not even knowing why you're here"
I have, like billions through time and space, wondered what the point of life is, why i'm here, and other such philosphical questions. only yesterday, in the dark of a hotel room alone, did I realise. It doesn't matter.
After hearing bombs whistle through the air, and hearing the bursts of gunfire, after seeing people i love ill, i had to laugh at the quote. That isn't hell. That's not even anywhere near it. I laughed. When i walked in through the airport, i saw people complaining, a mother screaming at her child, and all i could think of is, do they even realise how lucky they are?
Knowing the people you love are happy and safe, being happy and content with what you have in life, seeing the beauty of the smallest things- despite people having all of this and more, they complain they don't know why they're alive?!
Its the weekend now. I have no idea what to do. We used to be close to a iraqi family, and they called me up and asked me whether i need anything, I decide I like the idea of walking around eating whatever the local newsagents have to offer.
I have stood at the tap drinking water for almost five minutes. I've missed clean water coming out of taps. And the water is already cold. Loneliness hasn't kicked in yet, I'm too preoccupied trying to remember stuff. Normal stuff. Like realising there is central heating. And electricity.
When i walked down the streets alone, I felt so open? In Baghdad, you'll end up being surrounded by protective relatives. And here everything is so...apart? Everyone's far away from each other. I miss knowing that there was at least 4 people with me to 'keep me safe' in iraq. (From what, i'm not quite sure.)
Best wishes from under 2 duvets,