The reason I took off the changes post, was every time i came on the internet to 'revise' or do work, i read it and got more depressed. Naturally I couldn't delete it due to all the comments (many thanks to all), but at the same time it seemed too whiney compared to what other people have to go through, and i don't want to think about it frankly. Life is too short, but as long as there is breath left, there is hope.
In case you needed more proof that I do not have a life, when the holidays begin here (around 23rd january), i will travel. To the UK. To pick up 'a level' work and look at universities. Then I will return to Baghdad after either one week or two weeks abroad. All alone. The fun. Oh the Fun.
And then I will perform a juggling act which will include trying to finish all work from iraqi schools, complete work for 'a levels', decide on my life, attack some iraqi politicians for some of the things they said (i've have been to three political 'rallies'. Basically a candidate invites you to his house or restaurant while talking about politics. I wrote some quotes down. :D), surgically remove the laptop and/or pc from my body, learn how to take photos,
oh.. and the following has been hacked or virused or something:
-my scribd account
Annoyingly all three disabled my account at lightening speed. Well, I'm only annoyed at the scribd account being closed. Where else can I read stuff?
grandfather:"touta, i know you don't want to go abroad to study. But look at it this way. Where will you receive the best education? You want to help your country? Then learn as best you can, and then you can return not to reign supreme with your piece of paper from a university from the 'kharij' (abroad), but to bring Iraq to the same standard"
me: "but what about my obligations to the country i study in? shouldn't i owe them something. feels a bit wrong, learning than abandoning ship"
grandfather: "we're paying $X!! When they let you learn for free, pay them back"
me: "but what if i lose my social identity?"
grandfather: "you're iraqi"
me:"it doesnt matter where i learn, but my passion to learn. my passion would be greater here, as i will see suffering everyday, and that will give me the push"
nana: "touta do it"
me: *starts thinking nana isn't really ill, conspiracy theory to guilt trip me into doing what they want*
(doctor walks by having overheard us)
doctor: "I hear sweden is especially advanced in science. Most of the new researches come from over there"
nana: "aguul (i say), touta, they speak german in sweden right? you are good at german"
doctor: "and you wouldn't feel alone. the community of iraqis there is large and have a social identity"
nana: "and the nobel is in sweden mu? You can either get a nobel touta, or marry and iraqi with one. Oh, schlon qashkha(oh how posh)"
me: *realises conversation has gone too far to mention language of Sweden is Swedish*
grandfather: "she can get one herself"
me:"yes, i hear the room in which they are stored in have little security. Only cctv cameras. no lasers"
doctor:*walks off shaking head* "iraqi to the bone. She thinks of stealing one...whats that going to achieve ya bnaya (girl)"
me:"well, i don't see what a nobel peace prize achieves in the first place. Why would anyone need an award to convince them they are heroes. they think they are so much better than everyone else, because they have a piece of metal"
grandfather: "have you met anyone with a nobel peace prize then?"
*nana and grandfather and doctor give each other knowing looks*
*touta scratches head trying to be less confused*
doctor: "trideen chai?" (you want tea?)
Time at hospital:22.15am
Touta status: refuses to go home, squinting at mobile whilst trying to blog. Hospital is thinking of naming the chair after her.