Sunday, 15 February 2009

Iraqi Chat Up Lines.

It is Valentine's day. I am sat on a bench, with the intoxicating smell of fresh flowers, that are hanging from baskets around this shop. I spent the first two hours sitting here, laughing with the girls of my family, the guys have gone somewhere for something..to buy a valentine's cake to stop the wrath of women-iraqi women. hehehe.

We all sit, and I have started making jokes about the sayings I have heard around Baghdad and Diyala. 'Chat up lines' don't exist as such in society here, more rather, guys hang around in big groups and shout what they think is romanitc and or a compliment. So I'm going to give you an insight into the funny world I currently reside in.

Male lines:


"do you want a date? I have a sack full from my bistaan"- basically showing off 'look at me, I have a farm!'


"il youm lazem laylat al qadr, laeen hai il youm il malaika tinzil"- 'today must be night of qadr, because thats the night angels come down'


"la ma wigat min dishdashtee, wigat ilich"- 'no, i didn't fall over my dishdasha, i fell for you'

another way is singing songs. Iraqi guys *actually* think its romantic to sing to females. Songs include- 'Al Bortaqala' (the orange), 'Al rommanah' (the pomengranite), 'Al tofaha' (the apple). These are verry famous, and the songs basically refers to the girl that they like by calling her a spherical piece of fruit. Oh, the romanticness of it all.

"WILICH"- 'hey you!'. Enoguh said really.

" sar infijar, sar infijar!!!.....ib qalbi" -'there's been an explosion, theres been an explosion!!...in my heart'. This is only used by the most attention seeking, preferably away from shops or old men, who would beat them up for making people scream.

"ahibbich"-'i love you'. This doesn't seem so bad, until i tell you that this is strangers saying it on the street to female passerbys.

Not even married women are safe....not even if you wear an abbaya...."thibee al abbayaaaa"-'drop the abbaya'. This is the name of a song from kasim sultan, and is occasionally sung to non abbaya wearing girls, who just have hijab, as well as abbaya clad women, who then proceed to beat up the youth by engulfing them in a cloud of black fabric, which blinds them, so they can strike freely. As the abbayed woman walks away, look to the ground to see a pool of broken bones and bruises.

Female lines:

"schlon shwarib muhtarrama" - 'what a respectable mustache' : saddam era of course


"fa, inta leehisa ayish ib bait ahlak"-'so, you still live in your parents house' : (this is a good thing, as if you live alone, assumptions are made straight away that the guy doesn't live at home, because he's been kicked out)


"hememeehehememhe"-'mehememhemehe' : girls trying to be girly/feminine (nazaqa). They sound more like mice, and its hard to tell what they really are saying.


"Indak shugul?"-'you have work?' : if the guy replies 'I'm a doctor/engineer/professor/lawyer and i have work', then an insta-relationship occurs.


*smile*- if you are female, and happen to smile, or return a smile, then this is a form of flirting, so keep you head down, and frown. :D


*writing poetry*- a lot of girls write poetry of love etc. The only poem I find suiting to describe Iraqi lotharios is 'Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall, all the kubba and all the dolma put Humpty back together again'

There's many more i overheard on Valentine's day, but frankly, I'm too cold to sit here typing, so Aurevoir!

J'adore le pamplemousse,

Touta from Baghdad.

43 comments:

JG said...

"schlon shwarib muhtarrama" - 'what a respectable mustache' : saddam era of course

Absolutely hilarious!

Anonymous said...

:D :D :D

Anonymous said...

:D :D :D

C.H. said...

Wow, guys think it is romantic to sing to girls? I can't say I would do to well in that department, haha.

Great post Touta ;)

nadia said...

guys hang around in big groups and shout what they think is romantic and or a compliment

That happens here too.

JG said...

Nadia,

I was thinking that. It happens here too only more often they'll shout insulting/sexist stuff.

When I lived in France I noticed that guys always beeped their car horns at girls they thought were hot. Pretty childish...

Nadia said...

Yeah generally in my experience European guys are way more direct when picking girls up(with the stereotypical reserved Brit exception).

Though minus the singing stuff all the boys lines touta gave sound pretty similar to things that get said here, though most people would definitely think anyone that said that one of those lines was retarded.

attawie said...

Where are you living young lady!!!

*keeping her head down, and frowning*

lol

C.H. said...

I must say that I am way too shy to ever use such ridiculous lines, haha :)

JG said...

Nadia,

I may be wrong but I'm sure "what a respectable mustache" isn't too common in Canada!

Nadia said...

Yeah I specified he boys' lines! Tho maybe the mustache thing would fly in gay bars or like 30 years ago! Also all the scenesters here are into growing really stupid facial hair the past couple of years(LONG beards, neckbeards handlebar mustaches etc), so I dunno, either way I really don't get it.

but stuff like
"did it hurt?
when you fell from heaven"

"whent hey made the alphabet they should have put you and i together"

"are those astronaut pants etc"

are pretty equivalent in sillyness, and not very common but definitely still not unheard of!

nadia said...

...and youknow catcalling happens everywhere.

Touta said...

but romantic songs are ones were we are compared to fruit...FRUIT!

In the UK 'cat calling' (or verbal diarrohea) rarely occured, whereas here its more, but then again no one has jobs here, etc etc.

Oh,and if you think the car beeping is childish...here they almost run you over. That's real iraqi admiration. :)

Attawie,
i live in an area filled by old people, but walk to any shop street, and you will be amazed at how the people have changed. :D

Lynnette In Minnesota said...

Sorry to hear about your unfortunate seat mate. :D He did make for an interesting post, though. lol!

" sar infijar, sar infijar!!!.....ib qalbi" -'there's been an explosion, theres been an explosion!!...in my heart'.

ROTFL! Does anyone really fall for that?

"ahibbich"-'i love you'. This doesn't seem so bad, until i tell you that this is strangers saying it on the street to female passerbys.

I think that one happens all over. lol!

I hope you lucked into some chocolate on Valentine's Day. :D

Lynnette In Minnesota said...

but romantic songs are ones were we are compared to fruit...FRUIT!

Could be worse, at least fruit is sweet. ;)

C.H. said...

Touta,

The great thing about this post is that you are showing the world that Iraq is a normal country just like everywhere else--Valentine's Day, people dating, etc.

Maybe you should submit one of your posts to NBC's the "Today Show", that way you can show them what Iraq is really like! :D

JG said...

...are pretty equivalent in sillyness, and not very common but definitely still not unheard of!

Yeah sure, it's the same here.

The following line was often mentioned here before everyone had mobile phones and before we had the Euro.

Guy walks up to girl and hands her 20p. Then says:

"Here's 20p, phone your Ma and tell her you won't be home tonight"

I remember when I was about 18 one of my friends lost a bet and had to do it as a forfeit. He managed to keep a straight face. The look on the girl's face (a mixture of disgust and incredulity) was quite funny!

JG said...

but romantic songs are ones were we are compared to fruit...FRUIT!

Actually, I think this is kind of sweet. It beats some kind of smutty remark.

Anonymous said...

I bet there are examples of silly or cheesy pickup lines in every country. How bout this one for cheesy:

"Your father must be a thief because he stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes."

Or a bit more direct:

"So, what will you be wanting for breakfast tomorrow morning?"

Or a bit wicked:

"Do you wanna make magic? We go to my place tonight and tomorrow you dissapear"

Trying to be funny:

"Could you please ask your breasts to stop staring at my eyes?"

khalid jarrar said...

" "hememeehehememhe"-'mehememhemehe' : girls trying to be girly/feminine (nazaqa). They sound more like mice, and its hard to tell what they really are saying."

hahahahahahah you should have a book, or a talk show..or a statue of you somewhere in Diala, you are something!

crazy iraqi! :D

programmer craig said...

I was about to deny it happens everywhere, but then I remembered some episodes from my past. Like the time when I was in the Marines and my older sister was giving me a ride back to base. We stopped at a gas station, and I went inside to get cigarettes. When I came back out, three drunk Marines in a pickup truck next to my sister's car were hitting on her. When they saw me walking over, they apologized to ME. Not to her. Most embarrassed I ever was to be in the Marines, and if she hadn't been laughing about it, there would have been trouble. So I won't say it doesn't happen everywhere, but I will claim its more widespread some places than others :)

Thanks for the post, Touta... it's interesting to see what is the same, and what is different, in another culture.

C.H. said...

"you should have a book, or a talk show..or a statue of you somewhere in Diala, you are something!"

I totally agree! With your sense of humor, Touta, it would be quite funny and interesting.

hmmm...maybe you should come over here to the US and see what you can do, lol :)

Nadia said...

"Here's 20p, phone your Ma and tell her you won't be home tonight"

Yes I almost wrote this one.

And yes Touta I agree the singing thing is pretty special.

JG I don't mind the general tendency of people to bust into song in public but a song like that for a total stranger would be pretty creepy. Besides that it reminds me of all the songs that use fruit as a metaphor for genetalia.

My relatives in the UK mention harrassment often enough to make me believe it exists. As for here like the horn thing happens all the time, sometimes the car will stop for you and it's like uhh, I'm not 10 and/or suicidal, thanks. Alot of people I know when they were underage and bored would drive around and yell stupid shit at people in the street(in general not just girls.)
...but anyways I don't want to steal thunder with my stories.

Touta said...

Lynnette,
the explosion line i have seen happen once, and everyone fell for it, we turned around, and then when he started laughing and said the next line, he got so many threats, he walked verry quickly away. :D

CH,
hehehehe, thank you, there is some *ahem* normality here...eastern style normality, but nevertheless i am always suprised to hear how people thing iraq is.

JG,
your friend did it as a dare, whereas here people genuinely think that they are romantic. hhhhhh. I like the 20p one. Generous guy. ;)

Anonymous,
I genuinely found the 'trying to be funny' pick up line funny.hhhhh. yes, does exist everywhere.

khalid,
hahahaha, why thank you. First Diala, then Baghdad. I'll replace the statue of ali baba's wife, but i'll be pouring the humour over the pots. :D

programmer craig,
thanks :), interesting to read, one of the difference is that they were drunk, whereas here they are sober...hhhhhhhhh. I think, people are the same, just their actions are affected by culture differently.

Nadia,
:D, no, the fruit songs are more like.."the orange, you've tortured his situation", and the video is a scary guy looking across the table at a girl wearing orange who is sitting next to her father, who gives disapproving looks.

Nadia said...

Ahhaha that is too weird to not be awesome-but still disturbing.

JG said...

Besides that it reminds me of all the songs that use fruit as a metaphor for genetalia

Ok, I DID NOT know such songs existed! :)

Nadia said...

Yeah what I usually learn from these threads is that my life experience is not as common as I thought!

JG said...

Hahaha...! :)

khalid jarrar said...

"
Ok, I DID NOT know such songs existed! :)"

OHHH THEY EXIST! we arabs are all shy and polite and hence have our own ways to express pervertness when existing :P

the song about burtoqla for example ...

you know what? i was about to explain the dimensions of why its burtuqala and the words used in the song to compliment this burtuqala so you would know what i am talking about, but i think its too scandalous to be translated, **whispers: specially in the presence of poor innocent little girls like Touta :O**

JG said...

LOL Khalid!

Now you've got me very curious! But I share your concern about corrupting poor Touta's young mind so you'll have to tell me another time! ;)

Touta said...

khalid and JG,
hahahaha, ahhh, thank you for your concern, swap emails and explain to each other if you feel the need, and there are other songs y'know...the apple (al tofaha), the pomegranate (al rummanah), and the agroba of course (the scorpion), i mean comparing women to a poisinous insect...thanks?

oh, and khalid, its not rude..he calls her orange because she wears orange and is rounded..so there. :D

JG said...

Hahaha... Well, we are gentlemen!

Is this it?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-fU2jbVuy_M

Touta said...

*reminds JG of 20p line*
hehehe, no thats the PARODY(its very funny, haven't seen that one :D) of it..the singer is making fun of the original song which is here...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r96JOwb3P5U&feature=related

now look at the guys singing it, and tell me i have no right to run screaming eevrytime i hear that song. :D if you want a translation just ask. ;)

JG said...

*reminds JG of 20p line*

I was innocent in that episode! :)

That clip is hilarious. I love the dance move, the way they twirl their fingers as if they're holding an orange.

You have every right to run screaming I must admit!

if you want a translation just ask. ;)

Sure... It's got to be funny! ;)

Touta said...

JG,
if you go to any arab country now, and speak in an iraqi dialect, the guys will twirl their fingers in that way, and call you an orange, of you wear any orange and are iraqi female, then you are just asking for trouble. hhhhhhhh

i'll do the translation as a post. :)

C.H. said...

So Touta, now that Valentine's Day is done, are people out sweeping flowers off of the streets? LOL. The way you describe it, it seems like people are really into the Holiday!

So what is next for Iraqis? You have passed Christmas, New Years, Ashoura, and now Valentine's day...all with relative calm and peace. Good job Iraqis!!

Bruno said...

I loved the thread. Good read!

Touta said...

Bruno,
Thanks, ;D stay tuned for the orange lyrics translation. :D

Touta said...

CH,
all that remains is to sort out the economic situation,as well as the many services that are way below any standard..see vioets hospital pictures. but anyway, you have cheered me up by reminding me of the lack of violence, and hopefully it will keep on improving. :)

annie said...

fun post!

Iraqi Mojo said...

Very funny:)

Touta said...

annie,
it was fun to write as well. :D

Iraqi Mojo,
Thank you. :D It must be all the asbestos fumes these iraqis are inhaling. :D

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