Wednesday, 21 October 2009

Iraqi Relationships

Iraqis must enjoy pain. The have to, because there isn't any other reason for it.
The relationship between males and females in Iraq,is laughable. According to many people, it wasn't always like this though.

I'm not going to try to blame it on the guys completely though...girls in Iraq are paranoid. It was hard enough for me -a girl- to make friends (no, its got nothing to do with my occasionally abrasive personality :P). So guys getting a girlfriend is naturally going to be much more difficult. Generally in our society, girls keep to their family, family are their friends. So breaking into their world, or even getting an iraqi girl to talk about something personal is quite a task. And you honestly wonder why friendship or any type of relationship is difficult between opposite sexes here. Not to mention the mentality that friendship between opposite sexes is impossible. The guys don't help either by being overly predictable and sexist-even if he claims he isn't.

1. No Pain, No Gain:
this relationship is basically a guy and a girl becoming girlfriend and boyfriend. Don't get too excited though, this relationship is usually one sided, and revolves around keeping in touch by phone calls, soppy emails, and the occasional meeting. This type involves constant arguing and falling out. It rarely develops further than the shallow stage, and each side constantly tries to win one over the other. Its basically a power struggle, where each side go through self generated 'heart ache'.
Unfortunatley this type of relationship is the most common in iraqi society.
It usually also involves the girl getting annoyed she's not being showered with attention 24/7, and it involves the guy being permanently pissed due to sexual frustration. May end in marriage if guy's circumstances are to the girl's liking.

2.Sexy Time:
This relationship usually revolves around...well, lust. This is almost the rarest type of relationship (suprise suprise). This relationship is usually initiated by the guy, and rarely involves each side talking to each other normally.
Instead it involves boring sentences spattered across talking about sex, arguing about sex, and eventually having sex.
You iraqi guys should beware though...the girl is prone to having her feelings grow, and then you'll really be screwed when she confesses her love. As soon as she does, iraqi guy will pick up his dishdasha and run faster than you can say 'Commitment Crisis'.
It won't be one of those fun 'no strings attaches relationships' either. The guy will be permanently trying to get the girl in bed, and the girl will be constantly trying to get words of love and romance. Neither really get what they want, and end up secretly harbouring anger towards the other. Though i suppose once issues are resolved anger may turn to passion (?).

3.Familiar Friends:
This relationship is a friendship between iraqi guys and girls. It will be full of hypocrisy as the guy in this relationship will always be judgemental and at times tyrranical. The guy will eventually drop hints at you to stop speaking openly, wear more modest clothes, and learn how to do housework.Its more than probable he'll always nag you on how to pick up girls etc. Though he's only trying to be 'like your brother' and 'advise' you. In other words, the girl is supposed to shut up and listen, and preferably have no opinion of her own, and accept his proud objectification of women. The girl in this relationship will eventually start avoiding the guy, using such excuses as 'people might get the wrong idea about us' etc. But really its because neither side put effort into the relationship..the conversation will almost always revolve around family, jokes, politics etc. Deep conversations? Unlikely.

4.Marry me!
This is a relationship that involves each side shyly getting to know one another. It then follows by underhand glances, and engagement, and then marriage. It mainly involves a lukewarm passion, based on a foundation of appreciation of one another.
At the begining years, neither side will actually know the other, and you'll get a distinct feeling that each person will always withhold a part of their personality from the other. i.e. they won't be able to completely be themselves around the other. As the years of their marriage progresses, they'll know more about each other etc, and live the standard iraqi marriage life.
I suppose planned marriages also fall in this category.

This is the rarest rarest type of relationship between guys and gals. Even rarer than the sex relationship. In this type of relationship, neither guy or girl will have to think about what they're doing with the other..i.e. they can be completely themselves without any barriers. Of course Love exists in different ways, and so the outcome of this relationship also depends on the type of Love involved.
If its the passion roses and rainbows love, then it may result in a loving marriage if each side sacrifices certain things. It depends on each situation as to what will have to be sacrificed. Sometimes everything may be sacrificed, sometimes very little will.
If its not that type of roses love, then it will probably end in the most solid friendship you can ever find, a 'connection' type friendship.
Either way, this relationship is perhaps the nicest in that it lacks the arguing, which is otherwise vastly present in all other iraqi relationships.


Do we need a social revolution? Well, the news flash is that we have had several social revolutions since the war, each worse than the other. Though as a nation, we've never actually managed to have any good social changes...

*feel free to correct me, i am simply just writing what i see (and we all know that our eyes can deceive us...) :)

Saturday, 17 October 2009

Arab Association (part 1?)

It was one of those old rotting red building which look gothicy, but actually look really good when you compare them with the blocks and straight lines of houses everywhere else. The constant spitting rain and grey clouds lulled me back into sleepiness. I spent the next few hours wondering why my need for self gratification through charity had over ruled my need for sleep.

Walking in, I had no other thought other than the fact that i was late but i was the first one there. Its a course which teaches first aid etc with an emphasis of all charity work we do during the course being directed at helping the hornets nest of woes that is the middle east. Am I cursing the middle east and the grandfathers and uncles of the middle east for making my life so tiring? Yes,i am.

We're taken to a room where we can sit down, and the seating arrangement is around a large circular desk.
Everyone sits down, and i can almost laugh if it wasn't all so ironic.
at one side of the circle sit-
-emiratis (2 girls with bright coloured jilbabs flicking manicured nails left, right and center);
-saudi(a guy wearing sunglasses indoors);
-kuwaiti (2 guys with wackiest hair sticking out at unnatural angles).
Followed by
-egyptian (vodka lover);
-jordanian(2 guys swearing extensively).
Somewhere in the middle of the circle is us 3 iraqis..(me, long haired tattoo guy,sad poems girl), then next to us on the other side sits ;
-the palestinians(a newly wed woman, a gangsta palestinian);
-syrian (talked about UN and tibet);
-and lebanese(sport addict and said he 'loves girls').

For the next half an hour, everyone's busy talking.I and poem iraqi girl end up listening to iraqi guy showing off his large and bold black tattoo spiraling down his arm. (Well done, you have a tattoo. You're so bad and such a rebel. Oh you're so cool). After my mental sarcasm, i couldn't help telling him my granny had more tattoos than him.
He then proceeds to show us; his earrings (which one do you prefer? he asks us..), and his necklace, which he tells us he never takes off. For some reason, i wanted to move his necklace to see if it had become glued to his skin by some chance.

The organiser threatens us all that we're going to be placed in random groups next time. Clearly someone's unhappy of the way we all huddled into gangs.

That really wasn't worth me waking up early for. I can't help but wonder how the conversations going to go when politics come up. I'm going to stick to the 'why can't we all love each other and live in peace' phrase, and hope everyone gets bored enough to never talk to me again.

Friday, 9 October 2009


Its been one year since my first post here.

I can't remember who i used to be. Does that mean I haven't changed? To be honest, my thoughts haven't changed. I still think the same, only now there is a darker (*halo flutters uncertainly*) edge to my thoughts.
My personality is different to my thoughts. I used to show off. I used to not care about anything beyond what mattered to me. And i used to have one bad sulking tantrum after the other...
Now I'm suprisingly calm. I seem to subconsciously take out my anger on ripping paper into shreds. (its a vast improvement to my previous breaking things habit..)

This blog and the people i have met throught it has changed me in so many ways, its almost unbelievable.
I started as a 17 year old, whose main purpose in life seemed to be to finish all the school work, and read. It was supposed to be a diary, which i can re read and laugh at, if i ever got bored.
Instead, I ended up with a different perspective on almost everything.

I, as well as almost everyone who knows me, will realise i think too much.Maybe i'll change that some time soon...or maybe not, i'll decide later.

"The world is a comedy to those that think; a tragedy to those that feel".

It seems horrible to either live by thoughts or emotions. I do occasionally worry that one day i'll retreat into my thoughts, but i'm far too talkative for that to actually happen. ;)
I wonder why I manage to laugh so much these days, when I've come to the realisation that my life is a mess. Perhaps i love Messes.

I want to say I have the same ambitions and dreams that i used to, but i've become a lot more realistic;( my dreams as a little girl were to bring world peace and harmony...thankfully life isn't that simple).
My main ambition now is to be happy and bring happiness to the people around me, (although i warn you not to mistake me for being generous..i just don't like hearing people complain :P).

My thoughts before were always so mundane and boring. Seriously, had you been in my head a year ago, you would have tried to scratch your way out of my skull. The only interesting thing i thought about, was what if i had chosen to lead a traditional simple iraqi life. It would have been so simple to live each day as it came.
Now I feel like i'm drowining in knowledge. I know so much more about life and people now, that i sometimes just sit and giggle with glee over this, ( i don't really. honestly i don't..)

Ok, I don't think i've changed supremely since last year. My writing seems to have taken a more depressing voice sometimes, but personally i'm just proud i haven't given up.

Oh oh, I also won best post for September 2009, from Iraq blog updates. :D
*bows amongst the deafening roars and thundering claps*

And my other achievement...I managed to write this before it became 10th of October....oweee my fingers hurt, i rushed it in five minutes because i got caught up watching a film. :(

(and talking of achievements, Iraq won 3 medals in the Pan Arab sports league thing. :D)

oh and thanks to everyone. And special thanks to some ;) you know who you are. hehehe
(i'm kidding, special thanks to all...)