Friday, 6 April 2012

The tourist

Its been forever.

I keep wondering what's happening, and sometimes I become afraid the slow turning of adulthood is making me neglect my passion in life. Thus the writings have decreased, although I will do my utmost to continue, so many events and scandals have occured which have gone unwritten, my mind becoming more unaware of the passing days.

I hate the fact that I am under constant scrutiny from people whose names I am not wholly sure of. Sometimes, I am extra controversial just to get a kick from their reactions. This is the part where I exhale slowly, shrug, and laugh a little at their expense.

Anyway, let me recount the day. I feel like its been forever since i've had a beautiful day. Today was truly beautiful.

I walked through the heat, feeling the sun scorch my hair. The two babies I had seen previously now walked silently staring at me in loud embarrassment. They had grown too much. The conversation was woefully limited at best. Still entertaining.
The hours passed, and soon the guests filtered out.

I witnessed my family collapse around me, exhaustion finally creeping on their joyful faces. I needed to walk. To breathe in the air deeply, fill my lungs until it hurt. The smell of home is not one I seem to come across often.

I didn't notice the seconds, minutes, hours slowly saunter past. I slowly sat on the dry crumbled earth. Everything was so beautiful. Yet, like the earth I now held in my closed fists, everything was also deadly dry. The gurgling brook that had once echoed my laughs, was now nothing more than a damp ditch. The black mud reflecting the darkness of my mood.

I feel like I need to cry, scream, mourn the loss. I'm not sure how to though.The water is gone. The river has almost ran dry.

However I saw something closeby on the horizon. Rejuvenating me with both joy and hope.Prompting me to write, reminding me of strength.
The palm trees stood covering the sky.


jnana said...

This is profound. I am wondering about the title of the post though. Do you feel like a tourist in your own country now?

JG said...

I was wondering the same thing!

Good to hear from you as always, Touta.

Touta said...

jnana & JG (hey both begin with J!)
thanks! :D i'm not sure, i feel disconnected i suppose, almost intruding,if that makes sense. :)
living is different to visiting despite what some may say.

great to hear from you both!